THE SONG OF St. TIMMY TOUCHTOES
Every morning without failure Tim would phone his dear old mum,
Tell her what he’d had for breakfast, tell her how he felt that day
Ask her what she’d had for breakfast, ask her how she felt that day
He would ask her, Is it raining? Is it sun or cloud or sleet?
She would answer she would tell him, Cold and windy, looks like rain, 
Take your raincoat and your brolly, Take an extra pair of socks.
Don’t forget to do your work out, move your bowels, then run a mile,
Next your daily calisthenics, they will keep you neat and trim,
Keep you fit and strong and healthy, keep you virile for the girls.

For some day I know you’ll meet one, someone young and plump and nice,
Waiting for an ardent lover, waiting for a deep romance.
Look no further than a carer, find a nurse to have and hold,
Tender, caring, just the ticket, leave your bank book on the side.
She will see it, she will wonder, she will think about your dosh.
All the nurses at The Laurels are nice girls and on the pull,
Not every girl is all that fussy, but every girl likes lots of cash.

Choose one quickly, choose one swiftly for your time is running out.
All I wanted was a grandson, someone small to call my own. 
Mrs Brown in number 14 has a dozen! I've got none!
Here's your chance to make me happy, bring me joy and make me smile. 
That in fact would be the first time, the only time you’ve got it right
I’m one hundred you are eighty !
Chose one now before The Laurel's lunchtime gong.

Skepwatha. Book vi p, 6